if i have a daughter im going to name her lizard and then she’ll get the nickname liz and everyone will be like “oh is it short for elizabeth?” and she will have to say “no my name is lizard”
let me know what high school she go to so my kids not there when she shoot it up
Y’all they ran your sis ragged last night. Everything that could have went wrong during my first shift alone, went wrong. Little kids were asking for band aids because they were just slipping and falling running into things. Soccer moms were mad at each other so drama was just spilling out on the lobby floor. Boxed wine was just out and they were just C-R-A-Z-Y.
We ran out of everything, and shit was getting broken and I literally just ran around signing negro spirituals, because I was not the one that day.
a guide to the white girl’s “sexy” dance
- sway hips in a figure 8 motion
- do this while bending the knees into a squat position
- come back up
- raise arms above head
- look at armpit seductively
- put hands in hair
- don’t pay attention to the beat
- at all
- this is your dancefloor
- you rule the school, Megan
- swing those hips, you sexy bitch
GIRL LET’S CELEBRATE WITH THEM DICK LOLLIPOPS FROM SPENCERS THAT ALL THE LITTLE MIDDLE SCHOOLERS BE STEALIN
Girl trust after work I am soo celebrating, especially because the Nurse who did my exam was so ruthless. She was like,
"So you receive anal sex right? Would you like to get some results from your anus as well?"
"Uhhh, I dont know. Well, matter as well be safe right?"
"Okay then. *snaps on gloves* Face the wall, drop your pants, and spread the cheeks."
Got the rest of my results from the clinic. The results came back negative.