Today I nailed my first presentation for Eyes Wide Open (A Sexual Assault Peer Educator Group). Even though the presentation was at 8am, most of the audience interacted with me. Ariel (my lovely co-presenter) even told me, the audience was one of the best interactive group she has presented to in a long time.
I don’t want want to toot my own horn, but uhhh it was all because of my natural charm.
To all those men who don’t think the rape jokes are a problem:
I get it—you’re a decent guy. I can even believe it. You’ve never raped anybody. You would NEVER rape anybody. You’re upset that all these feminists are trying to accuse you of doing something, or connect you to doing something, that, as far as you’re concerned, you’ve never done and would never condone.
And they’ve told you about triggers, and PTSD, and how one in six women is a survivor, and you get it. You do. But you can’t let every time someone gets all upset get in the way of you having a good time, right? Especially when it doesn’t mean anything. Rape jokes have never made YOU go out and rape someone. They never would; they never could. You just don’t see how it matters.
I’m going to tell you how it does matter. And I tell you this because I genuinely believe you mean it when you say you don’t want to hurt anybody, and that it’s important to you to do your best to be a decent and good person, and that you don’t see the harm. And I genuinely believe you when you say you would never associate with a rapist and you think rape really is a very bad thing.
Here is why I refuse to take rape jokes sitting down…
Because 6% of college-aged men, slightly over 1 in 20, will admit to raping someone in anonymous surveys, as long as the word “rape” isn’t used in the description of the act—and that’s the conservative estimate. Other sources double that number (pdf).
A lot of people accuse feminists of thinking that all men are rapists. That’s not true. But do you know who think all men are rapists?
They really do. In psychological study, the profiling, the studies, it comes out again and again.
Virtually all rapists genuinely believe that all men rape, and other men just keep it hushed up better. And more, these people who really are rapists are constantly reaffirmed in their belief about the rest of mankind being rapists like them by things like rape jokes, that dismiss and normalize the idea of rape.
If one in twenty guys (or more) is a real and true rapist, and you have any amount of social activity with other guys like yourself, then it is almost a statistical certainty that one time hanging out with friends and their friends, playing Halo with a bunch of guys online, in a WoW guild, in a pick-up game of basketball, at a bar, or elsewhere, you were talking to a rapist. Not your fault. You can’t tell a rapist apart any better than anyone else can. It’s not like they announce themselves.
But, here’s the thing. It’s very likely that in some of these interactions with these guys, at some point or another, someone told a rape joke. You, decent guy that you are, understood that they didn’t mean it, and it was just a joke. And so you laughed.
Or maybe you didn’t laugh. Maybe it just wasn’t a very funny joke. So maybe you just didn’t say anything at all.
And, decent guy who would never condone rape, who would step in and stop rape if he saw it, who understands that rape is awful and wrong and bad, when you laughed? When you were silent?
That rapist who was in the group with you, that rapist thought that you were on his side. That rapistknew that you were a rapist like him. And he felt validated, and he felt he was among his comrades.
You. The rapist’s comrade.
And if that doesn’t make you feel sick to your stomach, if that doesn’t make you want to throw up, if that doesn’t disturb you or bother you or make you feel like maybe you should at least consider not participating in that kind of humor anymore, not abiding it in your presence, not greeting it with silence…
Well, maybe you aren’t as opposed to rapists as you claim.
i hate feminists. women are rapist too and that is what this fucking article doesn’t point out. pathetic. always willing to point the finger of blame but not willing to call out to the fact that men are raped every day by women but it goes unreported due to shame. fucking cunts. i fucking hate feminists. not all men are bad guys. and you know what..women..stop being weak bitches about that shit and stand up and fight for yourself and all these guys who didnt really know they were raping you wouldnt have.
“stop being weak bitches about that shit and stand up and fight for yourself and all these guys who didnt really know they were raping you wouldnt have.”
Girl you know I only have love in my heart for you, but girl that shit bolded right there isn’t cute. It is rape if consent wasn’t given. I don’t give a damn if the girl or male said nothing, if that person didn’t say you can have it, then that motherfucker better pick up his/her underwear and kick rocks.
Coercing someone into sex is still rape, because consent wasn’t given. It’s always about consent. Blame the rapist for not making sure they received consent, not the person who could have been scared or pressured into having sex for any unknown reasons.
I’m only7 songs in so far, but I noticed my head has been bobbing left, right, front and to the back so far. Gang bang fucking slayed me though. She mad a good choice by bringing the god that is Mika in.
“When Madonna is dead she’ll be hailed as a legend and an innovator who pushed boundaries for older women in her later career, but for now she is living in an ageist and misogynistic world where the general public are disgusted by her and don’t understand her at all.”—THIS IS SO TRUE. (via cuntroversy)
I would rather have Heaven Hill or Burnett’s (which are both cheap shitty vodka) before I even have my lips touch beer. The hatred for it is that strong. I mean it doesn’t help at all that I think beer is unclassy soooo
I really wished I liked the taste of beer, or at least be able to tolerate the taste. Everyone is always leaving cans of beer at my house, because they are privileged little bitches over 21. I tried to force myself to drink half of one today (just to calm my nerves from the stress of last weekend), but I just couldn’t do it.
don’t worry, i also don’t appreciate people who don’t appreciate cher
Girl I’m hoping she did this to spite me. Seeing Cher live was my first concert experience, so she knows she means a lot to me. This would strain my relationship with her. You don’t have to like her, but I expect you to curtsey if see her.